What if The Office and Harry Potter Existed in the Same Universe?

I recently got into Harry Potter again. The Harry Potter movies are on Peacock just like The Office, so that’s how I rediscovered them. The movies and books have temporarily replaced The Office as my comfort food of choice. 

I was thinking it would be fabulous if I could somehow incorporate Harry Potter into my Office blog to pay homage to the obsession that got me fired from my first job. I was so engrossed with reading one of the books that I didn’t realize I had missed my shift at the ice cream shop. 

Anyway, here’s a hypothetical scenario that could occur if The Office and Harry Potter were in the same universe: 

DATE: April 4, 2013  

TO: The Head of Muggle Relations  

FROM: Arthur Weasley  

SUBJECT: More Muggle Insights for Increasing Employee Morale  

In continuing with our efforts to study muggle strategies for increasing employee morale, I viewed the American equivalent of the Wernham Hogg documentary I had viewed previously. (It was wicked fun getting to use a telly again!)  

This documentary entitled, The Office: An American Workplace, had a number of brilliant insights. I reckon these insights will be of use as we concoct ways to increase employee morale across the Ministry.  

I have made the following observations:  

• Merlin’s beard! This is a dysfunctional lot! However, I don’t believe they’re representative of muggles in general. Therefore, I’m keen to focus on the work-related aspects of the documentary rather than the interpersonal aspects.  
• Office parties appear to do more harm than good by stirring up unnecessary drama. However, I do think our Christmas parties are due for an upgrade. It seems adult muggles are delighted when someone dresses up as Father Christmas at their office holiday parties. I’m happy to volunteer for this role.  Even though it takes muggles loads longer to complete tasks, they appear to have very low work anxiety. I think this is because they don’t rely on owls to deliver correspondence but use these tiny tellies called “computers.”  
• Trying too hard to increase morale can backfire. Case in point: The manager, Michael Scott, created and hosted an annual awards ceremony called The Dundies, but year after year, his employees were unimpressed. To be fair, muggle events are comparatively dull, but I dare say even our Broomie award ceremonies could become a bore if we don’t find more exciting trophies than those mini broomsticks that shoot firecrackers as they fly about your head.  
• A little friendly competition can be fun, especially when employees dream up the games themselves. The Dunder Mifflin employees developed competitive games involving boxes of paper and other various office knickknacks, but we have more interesting items at our disposal. May I suggest a motivational broomstick race?   
• As you know, in the muggle world, there’s something called “technology,” and everyone is entranced by it. Dunder Mifflin had loads of technology for employees to tinker with, and new sorts of technology appeared over the course of the documentary. For example, the tiny tellies on everyone’s desks used to be decently-sized, but by the end, they were paper-thin. To use another muggle word, I think this is considered “innovation.” Sadly, our world lacks this. I believe there have been maybe five new potions created in the last decade and two new spells. If we want to keep employees engaged, we need to innovate like the muggles.  

While their ways are often confounding, muggles have no shortage of creative ideas when it comes to making work rewarding. Many of these ideas can be adapted to our own world.   

More than anything, muggles have a talent for enjoying their jobs regardless of the nature of the work. While not every day was absolutely exciting for the Dunder Mifflin employees, they ultimately found meaning in their work. It’s was inspiring to see them find beauty in something as drab as paper (paper is even drab by muggle standards).    

Blimey! If I had to sell something that didn’t fly, scream, or burst into flames, I think I’d fall asleep at my desk. These muggles managed to keep their eyes wide open.  

If muggles can find meaning in paper, then the Ministry of Magic should certainly be able to inspire its employees to find meaning in their louder, brighter, more action-packed vocations.  

Respectfully yours,  

Arthur Weasley 

P.S. Someone at Dunder Mifflin named Dwight Schrute seems to know the wizarding world exists. However, I do not recommend a memory charm as none of Dwight’s coworkers take him seriously.